I Will Always Feel the Same
by NekonoKatzen
Summary: Erts has been hiding his feelings for an entire year, but today all of that will end. AU, ZeroErts, deathfic, generally depressing. Criticism welcome! Please R&R!


Umm READ THE WARNINGS!! Please, for the love of god, read them!! I don't want anyone ending up in therapy because they   
didn't read the damn warnings  
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Disclaimer: I dun own MK... If I did, Erts and Zero would already be together *grin* I also don't own the song "I Will" ....  
Yoko and/or Paul owns that one.   
  
Notes/Warnings: Ugh... I am soo not myself today so this may not be very good!! Umm it's AU, Zero/Erts and it may be a bit   
OOC, it's a darkfic and a deathfic (suicide). As Munkey Ju said, "......it might be.. troubling" So yeah, This fic is not   
for the timid or very sensitive.   
  
Ahem... and for you people who don't know what music is; the title comes from a Beatles song called "I Will" which can be   
found on the White Album. If you don't know who The Beatles are/were...well....you should be shot.  
  
Oh yeah...ahem... things in ( ) are thoughts!!  
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I Will Always Feel the Same  
  
  
-Prologue-  
  
It had been one year to the day since the sixteen year old Zero Enna had met his best friend Erts Virny Cocteau. Zero   
couldn't believe it... a whole year. He laid back on his bed and grinned as he remembered their first days together: Erts,   
as well as many of other juniors, had been assigned the task of teaching him, a new freshman at the time, the workings of   
Feine boys school. Unfortunately Zero had been less than enthusiastic about the whole thing, especially since the junior   
showing him around was a year younger than him. For some reason Zero had thought the whole thing was unfair, and thus   
practically tortured the poor boy. Luckily, that phase didn't last long.   
  
After about a week of complaining, Zero became comfortable with the whole idea of living in a all male boarding   
school, and quickly warmed up to Erts. It had been a shock to everyone: Erts didn't like being around other people to often,  
but for some reason he was completely comfortable with Zero. He actually acted like a normal 15 year old. Zero in turn   
revealed parts of himself to Erts that he had kept heavily hidden from others. Erts was the only one who knew that Zero   
wasn't just some hyper, hot-headed idiot... no, he knew that Zero was quite caring and intelligent.   
  
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"Zero... Zero... please wake up..." a small, gentle voice pleaded  
"Huh..." Zero replied groggily  
"Zero you missed your ten AM class, the instructor sent me to find you"  
"WHAT?!"   
  
Zero shot upwards in bed, nearly colliding with the boy hovering over him. He grab his clock and stared at it...   
eleven fifty AM. Yep, he had in fact missed his ten o' clock Chemistry class.  
  
"Damn it!! I must have fallen asleep while I was..."  
"While you were..." Blue-green eyes pleaded for him to continue  
"Hm...do you remember the day we met?" Zero smiled  
"Of course, you were rather unpleasant"  
"Yeah... I was thinking of that. Do you realize that as of today it has been..."  
"exactly one year since we were introduced to each other" Erts cut Zero off  
"Yeah..."   
  
Zero was surprised, yet he didn't know why. He should be used to it by now: Erts had been finishing his sentences   
for him for months. It was almost as if Erts could read Zero's mind sometimes.  
  
"I'm actually quite surprised you remembered" Erts said with a delighted smile  
"Of course I remember. Hey! We should go out and do something tonight!! You know, to celebrate!!"   
  
Zero grasped his hand into a fist with excitement.  
  
"umm... I don't know... I have a great deal of homework I still have to do...and..."  
"Oh come on!" Zero begged as he frowned and gave Erts puppy dog eyes  
"Eh...."  
  
Erts stared into Zero's eyes. At that moment it was decided... he had lost. Erts simply did not have the will   
power to resist Zero's prodding. Zero, of course, knew this all along: he had NEVER failed at trying to convince Erts into   
doing something with him.  
  
"I guess we can go out tonight..." Erts mumbled, defeated  
"ALL RIGHT!!" Zero jumped out of bed  
"BUT...."  
"but??" Zero squeaked  
"but first we have to go to class..." Erts pointed at Zero's clock  
"huh??" Zero looked over at it... fifteen minutes after noon.   
  
Twelve thirty art class... he had almost forgotten. God, how he hated that class. Zero grabbed his supplies and   
escorted Erts to his room, where he picked up his supplies as well. It was the only class the two shared so they always   
walked together, talking about random things and making plans. They reached room two-o-six and made their way to their   
normal seats: At the two-person table in the left hand back corner of the room.  
  
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Finally two PM rolled around and the boys were released from the class.  
  
"THANK GOD!! I thought I was gonna die of boredom!!" Zero whined  
"I thought it was quite interesting. Maybe if you paid attention..."  
"Yeah...Yeah...I know... but I can't help it"   
  
Erts giggled. Truth was he didn't pay attention to the class either. His attention was focused on something else:   
Zero Enna. Erts loved to watch Zero during class. He fidgeted constantly, always looking around. It was quite entertaining.  
  
"Sooo... what should we do tonight?!"   
"I do not know. It is your idea after all..."  
"I KNOW!! Maybe we can stop by that girls school a few blocks away and...."  
  
Erts had stopped and was staring at his feet. The cheerful look had left his face and was instead replaced by a   
sorrowful one. Zero hated seeing that look on Erts' face.  
  
"What's wrong?" Zero asked shooting a concerned look in Erts' direction  
"Oh, nothing. It's nothing at all."   
  
Erts walked up to his friend and tried to fake a smile. He assumed his reply had satisfied Zero because he turned   
and started walking again.  
  
"You know Erts... people have been wondering about you..."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, you have never had a girlfriend. I know you have been asked lots of times; but you ALWAYS turn them down.... Why??  
"They just are not what I am looking for"   
"Oh...Okay!!" Zero said cheerfully  
  
After a rather uncomfortable walk, they finally reached Erts' room.  
  
"I'll come by around eight tonight...we can decide what to do then OK?!" Zero grinned  
"That sounds fine. See you at eight..."  
  
Erts laid down on his bed and cuddled a pillow as he let himself become lost in his thoughts.   
  
(Thank god Zero didn't ask me anymore questions. It is becoming more difficult to hide the truth from him. I don't know   
how much longer I can hold it in. Every time I see him, it becomes stronger: this urge of mine. I want for him to take me   
into his arms. I...I...I love you Zero Enna.)  
  
Erts shifted to lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. Slowly he began to drift off to sleep.  
  
(But do you love me, Zero?)  
  
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Erts awoke to an announcement over the schools intercom. Apparently, there was some horrible accident involving a   
truck carrying chemicals and all residents in the area were told to stay indoors. Erts sighed in relief: at least he wasn't   
going to have to go out anywhere tonight, but he knew Zero would still want to do SOMETHING. How right he was. Promptly  
at eight PM there was a knock on Erts' door, followed by a whine.   
  
"Erts... open the doorrrrrrr..".  
"That has to be Zero..." Erts opened the door, revealing an annoyed looking Zero  
"Can you believe this!! They won't even let us outside!!" Zero pouted as he invited himself into Erts' room.  
"They are just trying to look out for our safety"  
"Whatever... it still sucks..."  
  
Erts smiled as Zero plopped down on his bed.   
  
(Zero always looks so cute when he pouts. No, I mustn't think that now. I can't risk him finding out)  
"So, Zero... have you any ideas for tonight's activities?"  
"I was just thinking we could hang out here and talk... We haven't done THAT in a while"  
"O-Okay... (What do I do now...)"  
  
As each hour passed, the conversation became more and more personal. By 2 am Erts and Zero had completely let their  
guards down to each other. The two had moved from the bed to a pair of armchairs facing each other. Topics had gone from   
favorite foods, to family and as of the moment was settled on school.  
  
"I am not well liked in my classes... most of my classmates see me as competition or they see me as strange" Erts said,   
slumped down into his chair.  
"That's awful. I don't really have that problem. Besides it's not like it matters" Zero started to look nervous  
"What do you mean?"  
"I-I was told I have a chance to get out of here. I have been accepted into a science and technology private school... but I   
don't know if I'm going to go or not!"   
  
Zero grinned for a moment, his expression changing when he noticed the hurt on Erts' face.   
  
"Geez Erts, you look like I just told you your puppy died or something..."  
"You CAN'T go!" Erts rose to his feet.  
"What?? Why??" Zero said, surprised at Erts' reaction  
"You can't go because....because...."   
  
Tears began to form in Erts' eyes. Suddenly it seemed his body was acting on it's own: he leaned in close to Zero   
and pressed his lips against those of his love. Zero's eyes widened and he shoved Erts away from him, causing the blond to   
roughly fall to the floor. Zero then jumped up and touched his quivering lips with a terrified look on his face. Erts began  
to sob.  
  
"I'm sorry Zero...I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to...."   
  
Erts looked up at Zero. His expression had gone from terrified to angry, and he glared at the young boy heaped on   
the floor.  
  
"Zero..."  
"Leave me alone..."  
"Zero, please...."  
"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!!"  
  
Zero stomped out of the room, slamming the door as he departed.   
  
(Zero....)  
  
Erts curled into a little ball and cried.  
  
(What do I do now? Zero was most important to me. He was the only person who ever made me truly happy. I lived for our   
times together, for his kindness, for his acceptance. He's gone now... he hates me. How could I have been so stupid?!)  
  
Erts turned his head to one side and found his attention being caught by a neon yellow CD opener he had found in the   
recreation room one day. He was drawn to it, finding himself wandering over in it's direction. He slammed it to the ground,  
breaking it apart, revealing a shining, sliver and sharp object. He picked the thin icy silver and examined it, almost in a   
trance. A razor. An awful thought entered his mind as he looked at the razor and then his arm.   
  
(It has come to this. Zero is gone... and it's my fault. I'm alone again. My love is gone. I have no reason to stay in   
this world...)  
  
Erts sliced into his soft flesh, a trail of red following the razor. A warm river of crimson flowed down his arm and   
dribbled onto the floor. He heard his door squeak open.  
  
"Erts...I'm so...ERTS!!!"  
  
Zero sprinted from the doorway and grabbed the blood covered fifteen year old.  
  
"ERTS!! HOW COULD YOU.....HOW COULD YOU..."   
  
Warm, salty tears waterfalled down Zero's cheeks as he saw the cuts on Erts' wrists.  
  
"Zero... I'm sorry" Erts gasped out. He was quickly losing consciousness.  
"Sorry for what? I'm the one who should be sorry!! All you have ever done is put up with my shit. I gave you a hard time all   
because I could never bring myself to tell you that..."  
  
Zero began to break down, pulling Erts close to him.   
  
".....that....I love you Erts..."  
  
Erts' eyes widened as Zero brought his face to his own and kissed him. Zero moved his face away to look at Erts.   
Erts smiled as brightly as he could, bring his hand up to Zero's cheek. Zero grabbed the hand and held it to him. He slowly  
felt the hand go limp as Erts's heart beat it's last; a smile still on his angelic face.  
  
"Erts?? ERTS!!??"  
  
Zero gently brushed from Erts' face a few strands of soft dislodged hair and cradled the body of his love.  
  
(It's all my fault. I shouldn't have been so harsh. Erts, when you kissed me it, in my heart it felt so good, so right,   
so...natural; yet, for some reason, my mind told me it was wrong. I didn't know what to do, everything just suddenly changed.  
It scared me... but I faced up to it and realized that I had always wanted this...I had always wanted YOU. I wanted you to   
be by my side, always. DAMN IT!! If only I had realized my true feelings sooner... this wouldn't have happened!!)  
  
Zero tightly embraced the boy then carefully layed down the lifeless body, keeping ahold of the cold hand that had,   
mere minutes ago, carressed his wet face. He looked out of the window into the speckled black sky.  
  
"Erts... I want you to know... no matter how many years go by; for you, I will always feel the same..."   
  
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Believe it or not, my original intention was to write a fluff fic...boy did it take a turn for the worse.  
  
10/17/02 Update- Whoo-hoo!! At least this ending is a LITTLE better ^__^ And I even managed to tie in the title. YAY!! Ummm  
tell me what you all think...K??  
  
Umm...I didn't have time to use spellcheck...which I know is practically a sin on FF.net....GOMEN!! Just tell me if you spot  
any problems!! ^__^  
  
Now if you'll excuse me, I STILL have to find a way to extract this damn para para song from my head.... 


End file.
